I’m 13 Now…
I’m 13 now, and…well, actually, my legs are 13 now 🎂
13 years ago today, “Never have I ever before” was what I was feeling, but I didn’t quite know how to put it into words until Taylor Swift put it into my all-time favorite album. Since 2010, the month of August has been so special to me. 13 years ago today, I didn’t have someone asking me, “Are you sure?” before being taken back into the operating room because I knew. I knew I wanted this and wouldn’t let it slip away.
Ever since I was 13 years old (which, if you didn’t know, is Taylor’s number), so much of her music has resonated with me, but even more so during the past 13 years of my life during my eras of lengthening—especially ‘folklore’ and, more recently, ‘Midnights.’
So last November, when The Eras Tour was announced, I knew two things,
- I knew it was going to be a war, the goddamn fight of my life. Which it was. I was fortunate to survive the great war that is Ticketmaster.
- As soon as I saw August 5 as a show date, I knew it was my show.
August 5 is as, if not more, significant to me than August 24 because it’s the day I was asked, “Are you sure?” Without putting it as eloquently as Taylor did in 2020 with her Grammy Award-winning album, “folklore,” I knew I had never wanted anything more. August 5, 2010, was when the planets, fates, and stars aligned for me. It was fate for me to see Taylor 13 years to the day when I decided to lengthen.
When The Eras Tour kicked off in March, I was one of those viewers on TikTok live each weekend, holding my breath during the acoustic sessions when she played two surprise songs that were not on the setlist. Right off the bat, I lost the only two from folklore I would want to hear live, and delusionally, I feel Taylor wrote specifically about me – mirrorball, and this is me trying.
Throughout the tour, I lost more. Typically, Taylor tried not to repeat songs during the acoustic set, but sometimes she did. The surprise songs at my show (filmed for the Eras Tour movie!!) were both repeat songs. The first surprise song was an instant win and fan-favorite Death By A Thousand Cuts (also has the second-best bridge on Lover. Cruel Summer being #1, obviously). When it was time for the second song, I couldn’t even describe how it felt when she started playing the piano, and I heard, “Summer went away…” *instant screaming* Refer to GIF below.
When I first heard “You’re On Your Own, Kid” on the ‘Midnights’ album last October, it became another one of her songs where I said to myself, “holy shit, did she write this about me?!”
It isn’t lost on me that I do have a support system and people who care. But I also have those who had ripped me apart limb from limb (pun intended) and made me feel truly alone for making a personal decision that only affected me. 13 years ago when I decided to publicly share my experience, I did so because I knew had there been someone for me to watch go through this (lengthening) when I was 13 and tell me, “You’ve got no reason to be afraid.”
Phoebe Bridgers said it best at the iHeartRadio Music Awards in March when presenting Taylor with the 2023 Innovators Award,
As I grew up, so did Taylor and her songs. Taylor has always told the truth. She’s written songs from exactly where she is. Her music shifted genre in the same way life does—in the same way being 16 is totally incomparable to being 18, 22, 25, or 28. I’m grateful to have grown up in a world with Taylor Swift in it, or ‘The World: Taylor’s Version.’